How to self-publish

I’ve written a short guide that I hope will be helpful to people – like me – who want their novel to be available in paperback and on Kindle, looking as much like a professionally published book as possible. The process has been much more complicated and confusing than I thought possible, as well as […]

The first three chapters

CHAPTER ONE Being murdered is a surprisingly effective way of losing weight. The thought would never have occurred to Sarah Morecambe if she had not recently been stabbed to death in her own kitchen. Blood, for example, is remarkably heavy. A good, deep stab wound can take half a stone off you in a couple […]

Front cover

Back-cover blurb

‘Jonathon Fairfax was astonished. This was nothing new. His first memory of being astonished dated from the age of three, when his mother had quite casually suggested that, instead of wearing a pair of comfy watertight pants, he should spend the rest of his life holding in his wee and poo. Now, seventeen years later, […]

I like my drinks impersonal

At Starbucks on the M1 A: Latte. B: What’s your name please sir? A: Why? B: It’s just to make your drink more personal. A: Don’t worry about it. B: I’ll just put a smiley face on it. I think they have picked the wrong country for this. But there was something beautiful about the […]

Creativity

Creativity is the residue of time wasted. Albert Einstein

The new Mini Futile: it’s gigantic

Are you an idiot? Do you want a car? Try the new Mini Futile – it negates all the advantages of the iconic original Mini by being absolutely massive.

Go to Wilton’s

Last night I went to the Mahogany Bar at Wilton’s Music Hall. It was well hidden but very well worth finding. Apparently, it was one of the first music halls and its bar was the first of London’s sumptuous high Victorian pubs. The bar itself was particularly spectacular, though no one knows what it was […]

Thought for the day

I truly believe that if something doesn’t at first appear to be impossible then it’s not worth doing. ArLynn Presser, blogger

King Moonfred and his Knights (from when I was six)

This is the first book I wrote. I did it back to front, which makes it a bit tricky to put it up here in a way that makes sense. Nonetheless, I’ve tried my best. So read on for the thrilling tale of King Moonfred and his Knights…