Flim-flam – Christopher Shevlin

I went to Gdansk and all I got was this lousy short story

Actually, the story isn’t all I got – I also got a ton of good memories. I’ve just come back from Gdansk, in Poland, where I was doing Once Upon A Deadline – a writing event run by Hungry Arts as part of the Polish Arts Festival. It was one of the best weekends I’ve […]

Four ages of the beard

My beard began about two and a half years ago, and has passed through four ages, as I believe all beards must. 1. Neglect Most beards aren’t planned. The man just stops shaving, usually as a result of some crisis. My dad’s beard began when he had chicken pox and couldn’t shave. Mine began in […]

I like my drinks impersonal

At Starbucks on the M1 A: Latte. B: What’s your name please sir? A: Why? B: It’s just to make your drink more personal. A: Don’t worry about it. B: I’ll just put a smiley face on it. I think they have picked the wrong country for this. But there was something beautiful about the […]

Labour schmaving

It occurred to me while using the automated self-checkout machine in Tesco today that I patiently accept a degree of shit from labour-saving devices that I would on no account put up with from people. Why should this be? The following is exactly what would have happened if a person had treated me like the […]

London Coffee Places and the Death of the English Language

Have you ever seen that episode of the Twilight Zone where a man finds that words are gradually being replaced? One day his wife asks him what he wants for dinosaur. He says ‘Dinosaur? Why don’t we call it lunch anymore?’ She says ‘because lunch is a sort of light red colour.’ He says ‘No, […]

Boris Johnson and the unfortunate nature of his reality

I am, on balance, glad that Boris Johnson exists. He has a blond dandelion of hair that is forever falling in his eyes. He says ‘cripes’. He’s somewhat stout. He’s an old Etonian but forgets to tuck his shirt in. I find him comforting in the same way that I find Jeeves and Wooster comforting. […]

Uncooked melody

Should I admit that I sing to my food sometimes? I suppose I have now. This adaptation of the Righteous Brothers song is what I sing to the ashes of my meals and the treacherous slovenly oven that hates me so.

Yoga

I noticed something new yesterday. I was lying in an undignified knot on a sky-blue crash mat, my nostrils full of the smell of sweat and loose-fitting cotton. And the thing I noticed was that my yoga teacher’s joints make audible popping sounds when she walks. How can this be? She is the most yoga […]

On being chased out of a Helsinki graveyard by a squirrel

Have I ever told you about the time that I was chased out of a Helsinki graveyard by a squirrel? If so, stop reading now, because the rest of this describes the time I was chased out of a Helsinki graveyard by a squirrel. I think you will find it a tale that is at […]

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